Friends, Lovers, or Nothing
by Life is Like a Novel
Summary: A stand alone, but part of the Continuum series.  Willow has to choose where she stands with both Oz and Tara.


**Alright, so here we have another installment to the Continuum Series which is a collection of stories based off of John Mayer songs. No need to fret though, this is a stand alone, so you do not need to read the others if you don't want to. But if you do, by all means go for it. I do not own these characters, I just use them for my own sanity or else the ideas would haunt me. Special thanks to **Tabby **of **Spike and Tabby **for agreeing to beta this for me. I hope you enjoy! **

_Friends, lovers, or nothing  
We can only ever be one  
Friends, lovers, or nothing  
There'll never be an in between so give it up_

I stare at the man in front of me. The man that traveled around the world to find a cure to the wolf inside him for _me_. I can't begin to fathom hurting him. Yet, my relationship with Tara has only just started. We have the whole witch thing going for us. She is an amazing Wiccan that I am learning so much from. Plus, she is one of the most caring, kind people I have ever met. I don't want to hurt her either. But it's Oz. My first…everything. My first boyfriend. My first kiss. My first lover. I couldn't just throw that all away. I don't want to throw that all away. He's standing in front of me waiting for an answer. Expecting it to be him.

"I…I think I need to think about it," I tell him hesitantly. "I mean, you come back after months of no phone calls, or even a letter. I didn't even get an email. I wasn't sure if you were alive, Oz, and that scared me beyond belief. You have no idea how many nights I was unable to fall asleep because I was too busy worrying and wondering where you were and if you were safe. Then Tara came along and I think she might be just what I need right now. And I'm so confused because I _know_ she would be good for me, but I also know that I love you and I'll always love you. I just need a day or two for some Willow thinking; just me no interruptions from you or her."

"That's understandable," he nods, though I can see through his mask. He's hurt that I didn't choose him right there and then. While we were together, I had mastered the art of being able to decipher his emotions through his eyes. It was pretty much mandatory due to his slight lack of eagerness to express them with words. I want to make that hurt go away but I know I can't yet, not until I know who I will choose.

"If I chose Tara, or if I decide that I can't be with either of you because I love you both too much to choose, I don't want you to disappear again. I want you to be a part of my life no matter the outcome." I know it's selfish, but I have to let him know how I feel. I've made the mistake of not letting people know how I've felt before, and it never turns out for the better.

"I can't promise you that, Willow," he admits. I nod, biting my lip to stop the tears that are flooding my eyes. "I still love you. I wouldn't be able to see you with Tara, and not just because of the wolf. It's either friends, lovers, or nothing, Wills. You can't be friend with someone you are in love with. It puts too much strain on things."

"Oz," I whimper, the tears finally falling against my best efforts. "I just got you back. I don't want to lose you again."

"I don't want to lose you either," he says stepping forward and pulling me into his arms. The embrace was perfect. It sent me back to before he left. I bury my head in his shoulder, neither one of us caring that I'm getting his shirt wet. "It's your choice, Willow. If you love Tara, I'll understand. I'm not saying I'll like it, but if she's what you want, I can't keep you from her. And vice-versa. It wouldn't be right to any of us. Just do what you think is right."

I nod my head and hug him tighter. I don't want to leave his arms, but I know I have to. "I should get back to the dorm. Buffy will start to worry," I sniff. "Do you have a place to stay?"

"The van's been doing a pretty good job the past couple of months." I hold him for a few more moments before stepping back and placing a light kiss on his cheek. "I'll call you when I'm less confused," I tell him. I walk off, while I can still bring myself to do so.

_Anything other than yes is no.  
Anything other than stay, is go._

Buffy keeps glancing over at me. I can't blame her. It must seem as if I am in a trance. I haven't moved from this spot, curled up in a ball at the head of my bed for the past half hour. I've been forming pro and con lists in my head. Revisiting memories I have of Oz and Tara and inventing new ones of the futures that I could have with each of them.

"Will, are you okay?" Buffy finally asks.

"Yeah," I tell her, though I'm not sure she believes me. "I just don't want to hurt either one of them."

"Need help deciding?" she offers.

"Buffy's mind probe game?" I ask. She has used it on me before, and I have to admit it does help quite a lot when I can't come to a decision on something important. She asks me a series of phrases or words, and I have to respond with the first thing that comes to my mind. It reminds me of the pictures that psychiatrists show their patients. "Yes please," I nod.

She comes over to my bed and sits at the end, across from me. I sit up, pulling the pillow on my lap.

"Magic?" she starts. She generally starts out with some easier ones.

"Power," I reply.

"Sister?"

"Buffy," I smile. She has been with me through out so much. She really is my sister in every way other than blood. I know that she would give her life up for me and I would do the same for her any day of the week.

"Best friend?"

"Xander." He was the first friend that I had. He stopped the bullies from teasing me and he didn't care that I cried over stupid things like breaking a crayon.

"Lost friend?"

"Jesse." Finding out that Jesse had been turned had broken my heart. He was so dear to me, almost as dear as Xander. He had been there with us since second grade. He didn't deserve to go the way he did. He was so young. He was the reason I had decided to help Buffy. I wanted to help stop anything like that from happening to the people I loved again.

"Fear, irrational?"

"Frogs." Jesse had chased me around the park with a frog once, threatening to put it in my hair. He was just about to when Xander stopped him saying that if he wanted to be our friend, he couldn't do stuff like that.

"Deep fear?"

"Losing loved ones." It was the one thing that hated about help saving the world. You were never sure if the people you loved were going to make it out alive. I was always afraid that Giles or Xander would be killed. That Anya would go back to being a vengeance demon and hate us all. That Buffy would continue the Slayer tradition and die before she was twenty-five.

"Family?"

"The Scooby Gang." My parents weren't around much. Giles, Xander, Buffy, even Anya were the ones that I considered my family. They were the people that loved me and cared about how my day went and if I was having troubles, and wanted to make me happy. They were the people that made me happy.

"Support?"

"Tara." She had supported my magic. She supported everything I did, whole heartedly. She was able to anchor me to this world when doing spells. She supported me when it seemed like the others didn't.

"Protection?"

"Oz." I felt safe when I was with him, which is kind of ironic seeing as he was a werewolf and could rip me to shreds anytime he lost control. I know that he won't though. When I'm in his arms it feels right, like nothing can go bad as long as I'm there with him. I know to some extent what her next question is going to be and I know what I am going to answer.

"Forever?"

"Oz."

"Well, Willow," she grins, knowing her job is done. "I think you just solved your problem. Better go get him before he skips town again."

"Thanks Buff," I hug her tightly before jumping off the bed and grabbing my coat.

"No problem and Wills, you're like a sister to me too," she smiles. I smile back before shutting the door behind me.

_Anything less than 'I love you' is lying._

His van is parked in the same spot as earlier. I knock on the back door, hoping that he isn't asleep. He always was a bit of a deep sleeper and I need to tell him now. My fears are pushed aside when he opens the door and looks down at me, hopeful. "Hey Wills."

"Lovers," I tell him with a huge smile. It nearly hurts how wide I'm beaming, but I can't help it because I realize right then that the part of me that has been suffering the past couple of months is now gone when I see his returned grin. "Definitely lovers."

He pulls me up in the van and whispers 'I've missed you' before he kisses me. In that kiss I know I chose correctly. I know that I won't regret this because the words that Oz said before he left hold true for me as well. In all my life, I've never loved anything more than him. I know that everything is not going to magically be perfect. We've got to talk about some things. We need to catch up. I know that tomorrow morning I will have to go to Tara's dorm and tell her my decision. I know that it will hurt both of us but as Oz pulls my shirt over my head, I forget about all those things because right now, he's the most important thing in the world to me. The only thing that matters is the love that we share and nothing can come in between that.

**Well folks, there we have it. Tell me what you think! Love, Spike.**


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